Mistake#1
We Try to Control Instead of Influencing Results: Control is
tha futile attempt to determine absolute results. We may be tempted to
determine tha outcome of every aspect of our child’s lyfe from school to home
to social development. This does nothing but lead to parenting conflict, which
isn’t good for tha child. A parenting relationship can become a nightmare when
both parties attempt to determine bottom-line results.
Solution: Focus on influencing results rather than
controlling them. Influence means we understand our limitations but give our
very best in promoting tha positive outcomes we desire. Be the bigger person.
Be willing to compromise where and when it’s needed. It will save you a lot of
frustration and anxiety as a dad. Remember tha words of Ms.Maya Angelou (RIP):
You may not control all of tha events that happen to you, but you can decide
not to be reduced by them.
Mistake#2
We Hide Our Emotions: We often lose out on invaluable
opportunities to bond with our children because we choose to mask our pain and
hurt that stem from feelings of inadequacy. In our deepest anxieties as
fathers, we do not wish our children to regard us as weak. In those cases where
we are dealing with hostile mothers, tha tendency to mask can especially be
strong.
Solution: Open up. Do not punish yourself for feelings of
weakness. Your children can learn more from you in your authentic weakness than
in your masked bravado. Designate a friend or family member as a person with
whom you can confide your deepest anxieties. Join a social group either online
or in-person where you can develop some type of solidarity. Allow tha words of
Ms.Dawn Markova to sink into your spirit: I choose to inhabit my days, to allow
my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my
heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. Most of all, understand that
you are not alone.
Mistake#3
We React Rather Than Respond:This is tha bane of fatherhood:
dads who have reacted out of anger and found themselves on tha wrong side of tha
law. It could happen in seconds; you lose your temper, emotions flair and you
say or do something that you later come to regret. This is made all tha worse
when done in the presence of tha child.
Solution:Respond rather react. Take a deep breath. Calculate
your emotional state. Get yourself out of tha immediate situation. You are most
likely experiencing “flight or fight” emotions. Flight is always better –
remove yourself from tha situation at all costs. In those cases where you may
be facing harm from a third-party (boyfriend or husband of child’s mother),
create distance immediately. A sage from long ago said: Life is 10 percent what
happens and 90 percent how you respond.
Mistake#4
We Underestimate Our Power:We do not believe in ourselves
when tha chips are down. We are short on faith and long on unbelief. We feel
powerless to make change happen. This often leads to an impaired sense of
self-esteem.
Solution:See yourself as a channel of Divine activity in tha
work you do in your child’s lyfe. Reconnect to a Power Higher than you. In tha
end yeah believe it are not it'd true, fatherhood is bigger than us. You are a
positive lyfe force simply for being in your child’s lyfe and endeavoring to do
tha right thing. When you begin to see your lyfe from tha child’s perspective,
you will never be tha same. Adopt tha attitude of these words from Seth M.
McQuealy: When a man stands at tha edge of a precipice or abyss he thinks one
of two things: “I can’t or how can I”. and last but not least...as we all have
said before
Mistake#5
We Leave Things to Fate – We Don’t Show Up!:This is tha
worst outcome of tha five.... I have learn tha hard way We conjure every excuse
to explain our lack of courage to do tha right thing, to show up. We miss
birthdays, we miss sporting events, and we even miss court appearances all
because we lack tha intestinal fortitude to show up. “I can’t get off work to
get to court” is my favorite. If it’s important enough to you, you will make a
way to do it unfortunately it's true fellas
Solution: Just stop tha excuses and determine that you will
show up whatever it takes! Mr.Brian
Tracy writes: Winners make a habit of manufacturing their own positive
expectations in advance of tha event... So as long as you gave it your very all
that's all it would take god will do tha rest but you most give it your ALL!
When you don’t show up, nobody loses but you. Each day you do not show up for a
significant event, each day you choose to remain absent, a piece of you and a piece of that child dies.
